Domestic Violence PSA ... Get Out!

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month...but violence at the hands of intimate partners goes on every day. Please watch this video and feel free to pass it on...and if you or anyone you know is in an abusive situation, please get to a safe place.

Intimate Partner Violence can take many different forms. It involves physical, emotional, mental, economical, and sexual abuse. At first, the control and manipulation your partner uses can be very subtle. The abuse can and will increase over time.
  
Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:

• Does your partner continually criticize what you wear, what you say, how you act and how you look?
• Does your partner humiliate or make fun of you in public places and social situations?
• Does your partner often call you insulting and degrading names?
• Do you feel like you need to ask permission to go out and see your friends and family?
  Do you turn down invitations to be with your friends and family because your partner will be angry at you for going with them?
• Do you feel you need to apologize to people or make up excuses for your partner’s behavior?
• Do you feel like no matter what you do, everything is always your fault?
• If you’re late getting home, does your partner harass you about where you were and who you were with?
• Has your partner threatened to hurt you or the children if you leave?
• Does your partner force you to have sex whether you want to or not?
• Are you afraid to say no to sex?
• Have you been repeatedly accused of flirting or having sex with others?
• Does your partner restrict you from getting a job or going to school?
• Has your partner hit you or threatened to hit you?
• Do you ever explain away bruises, cuts, or other injuries as results of how “clumsy” you are?
• Do you feel nervous or afraid for your safety when your partner becomes angry?
• Are you afraid to disagree with your partner?
• Are you frightened by your partner’s violence towards other people or animals?
• Do you change your behavior or “walk on egg shells,” depending on your partner’s mood?
• Do you ever think “If only I was prettier,” or “If only I cleaned the house better,” or “If only I had kept the children quieter,” etc., “then my partner wouldn’t have been angry?”
• Has your partner ever pushed, shoved, kicked or slapped you?

If you answered "yes" to even one of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.

How Can I Tell If My Partner Is A Batterer?

Does your partner have any of these traits? If he does there is a good chance that he is a batterer. This list is to give you a guideline to the signs of a potential batterer. Batterers’ personality traits are not limited to these.

Does your partner:

• Have low self-esteem?
• Lack knowledge of assertiveness skills?
• Have few close friends?
• Become obsessively jealous?
• Have a history of failed relationships?
• Have a problem with authority figures?
• Come from an abusive family?
• Become very possessive?
• Use violence to get rid of tension?
• Control finances?
• State that he must know where you are at all times?
• Leave messages on your answering machine, voice mail, or text obsessively if you are not home when he calls?
• Check up on you to see if you’ve gone where you said you were going? (Follows you)
• Have a bad temper or get angry easily?

 How Dangerous Is My Abusive Partner?
Some batterers are life-endangering. It is possible to evaluate whether a batterer is likely to kill his partner or other family members. The following are indicators to be used in making an assessment of the batterer’s potential to kill. Please pay close attention to the characteristics listed here:

• Threats of homicide or suicide: The batterer who has threatened to kill himself, his partner, the children or a relative must be considered extremely dangerous.
• Fantasies of homicide or suicide: The more the batterer has developed a fantasy about who, how, when and/or where to kill, the more dangerous he may be. The batterer who has previously acted out part of a homicide or suicide fantasy may be invested in killing as a viable solution to his problem.

Please don't take any of these things lightly. If any of these things even seem to be going on, it's time to get away. It could save your life.

If you are in danger, call 9-1-1. If you can get to a safe place, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at: 1(800) 799-7223...or 1 (800) 799-7223 (TTY) For more information, please go to: www.thehotline.org/get-help if you can use a computer that cannot be tracked by the person who is harming you.

          
*Source: Women's Shelter Program of San Luis Obispo County
http://www.womensshelterslo.org/get-informed/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship

Selah...

They twerked at church
And their father beat them
with an extension cord.
Twerking
Church
Extension cords
Father
Beatings
Five things that don’t belong together
in the same space…
where is the village
where are
the church mothers
the elders
the love
the holy examples
the prayers
where is the family
where is God
we are so preoccupied
with trying to escape from the real world
that we have left the children behind
they don’t know
that their bodies are sacred temples
because nobody told them
so they have nothing else to do
but twerk
at church
who is teaching the fathers
to talk to their daughters
and treat them like queens
instead of choosing to beat
with extension cords
as the beat goes on
and on
and
on
somebody
please find a young girl
and tell her that she’s beautiful
as womb-man
God’s last creation
and so much more than what she sees on BET
somebody 
please elevate her consciousness
teach her how to love herself
and her life
somebody
please find a father
help him to put down the extension cord
and find peace within himself
somebody
please help the church
to be the sacred space that God intends
a place of change
and revelation 
no more
twerking
beating
and vicious cycles
only light
where only sacred dances
are done
in peace…
Selah

day #22

and this is for my sisters

who have buried countless dreams and realities

never given birth to children and aborted all of their seedlings

buried underground in winter

my sisters

who have walked away from hope because they had no other choice

the ones who stayed because they did

settling for less than they deserved

this is for my sisters

who have put their voices on the shelf

waiting for someone to speak in their behalf

because they are not whole

subjecting themselves to other people’s visions

and demanding nothing in return

my sisters

who are nameless

faceless

ageless

but not helpless

my sisters

Get Out

if he hits

with words…actions…or fists

      Get out.

let the law deal with his problems...

   his problem is not you.

and just in case you didn’t know

assault with those deadly weapons

is a crime against God, nature & the universe

and finding 1,000 ways

to stay in a relationship

            that might kill somebody

especially when that somebody might be you

is a death-wish that will come true.

don’t believe the hype…          

no matter what anyone says

it’s not your fault.

                abusers always blame others

       and can’t see themselves

excuses are their reasons to live

no matter who dies in the end.        

 so get out while you can

               save yourself and your life

 home is where the heart lives

   but the heart needs a safe place to abide...

 and if you have to run

  Get out

call for help

 look for shelter in the dark

an outstretched hand…

a willing confidante…

 or an anchor in the storm.

you keep holding on

hoping things will change

and afraid that he won’t

not knowing what to do

if you don’t Get out…before it’s too late

it’s OK to be afraid

   but it’s not OK to hurt

           to kill

           or be killed

the law of the jungle

doesn’t apply at home

living like a trapped animal

because you’re too afraid to be alone…

Get out.